Unselfie: Chapter Two

2/13/2019

Empathetic Children have a Moral Identity:
Developing an Ethical Code

by Sandy Emerson

One of the 21st century’s most enduring heroes, Captain Chesley Sullenberger, pilot of the U.S. Airways plane who made an emergency landing on the Hudson River, saved every single passenger on board, despite losing both engines shortly after takeoff. Sullenberger asserts that it was a pledge made as a child, to never be a bystander or abandon anyone in danger, that created the basis for the ethical code he lives by today.

Many adults believe this attitude of service to others has been lost over subsequent generations, but the author believes it can and should be cultivated in today’s children. Borba (2017) suggests that today’s society “tends to focus on cognitive, social, and physical feats” (p. 27), neglecting the traits that build moral identity. Contributing to this trend is the rise in narcissism, excessive praise, and the growth of the number of “entitled” children who think the world should believe they are as special as they have been told all their lives. As these children grow into adults, the ramifications of these factors follow them into colleges and workplaces, causing educators and businesses to employ new strategies to reach this generation that seems to look out only for #1.

According to the author, the foundations of moral identity are created and fortified by giving children images that enable them to see themselves are kind and caring and able to place value on the feelings and thoughts of others (p. 27).

Borba wraps up the chapter with a Top Five list of things to know about developing moral identity (p. 44):

Moral identity can inspire empathy, activate compassion, and motivate caring behavior.
To respond empathetically, kids must value the thoughts and feelings of others.
Overpraising can make kids competitive, tear others down, and diminish empathy.
Entitling and “overvaluing” kids may increase narcissism and hamper moral identity.
If a child can imagine himself as a caring person, he is more likely to care about others.

Opportunities to reflect and challenge yourself:

Watch for signs of overpraise in the children your world. How can you positively impact them and help grow and/or undergird their moral identity?
Study the language you use with the young people in your sphere of influence for a week. See what changes you can make to align your praise with character.
Look for ways to actively model the characteristics of empathy, compassion, caring, and ethical behavior.
Pick one suggestion from this chapter to incorporate into your practice at home or in the classroom this week.

Post a reflection of one these challenges in the comments.

3 Comments

Rhonda

2/25/2019 03:37:54 pm

After reading this in the book, I began thinking and listening to myself when I praise students in my classroom. "Good job ___" I might have said. Now it is more direct. "Good job with choosing those words to focus on." I do not want to over praise, but at the same time I want to praise students enough that they truly grasp that I am listening to them and reading their thoughts.

Sandy Emerson

3/16/2019 06:50:06 pm

It is a challenge to balance, indeed, but the end result is worth it. Some of us feel a burden (likely self-imposed) to avoid perpetuation of the trend toward narcissistic children, so our efforts are vital in learning to help our students cope when they do not earn that trophy, or that A in class. We want them to learn how to care for others instead of focusing on self. I’m so glad to hear this book is causing others to reconsider their practices, too!

Leslie Patterson

3/30/2019 05:01:28 pm

Hi, all,
Rhonda and Sandy, thanks for your posts. This chapter made me think about our comments to our students (and the children at home in our lives . . . ). It reminds me of Peter Johnston's books -- "Choice Words" and "Opening Minds" -- It's all about how our language can shape students' responses. . . . Here's a link to a handbout: https://readingrecovery.org/images/pdfs/Conferences/NC13/Handouts/Johnston_precon_Words_knowing_community_resilience.pdf

There is something niggling at me about what Borba says about telling things to students about being a "caring person" -- about their identity as a moral person. And not so much on their behaviors.

But my reading of Johnston is that we focus on giving them feedback about what they are doing -- things they can change, assuming a growth mindset! . . . So I know these aren't necessarily contradictory, but theres some kind of tension in here some where.

We need to build identities . . . who they are as moral human beings and as learners . . . They have the power to make decisions (and to make things right when they make mistakes) . . . That's part of their identities, too.
Leslie

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